Conflict from herself.

The night was just as cold as the people around her made her feel. She sat by the window with a cup of coffee which only retained it's warmth because of her palms wrapped around the mug, trying to contemplate what she had done to face such exasperation.

Nobody could ever read her mind, she was a master at putting up a good laugh just to avoid the one question she dreaded all her life.

"Are you okay?" , she was once asked-not by an outsider, but by her own heart.

Her afflicted mind could do nothing but scream within,
begging to be heard, begging to mellow down. Frustrated, she penned down her thoughts, penned them down just to tear them apart, so that nobody knew her fears, or sensed the alarm.

Even the dear couldn't see her distress, for them she was her own mistress.
Her conflicted mind did not let her sleep, she was torn apart between the angel and the devil in the deep.

She had to make a choice, a decision she always knew she had to take. The obvious good, the very avoidable bad, the choice seemed effortless. But the "WHAT IFs" tormented her reasoning. What if the very unmistakeable right is nothing but a very deceitfully alluring wrong? What if the fallacious wrong opens doors to a bright, promising future?

She had to make a choice, for her agony had now created a mess. She anticipated the choice, but couldn't foresee the turmoil it would bring with it.

Her conflicted mind did not let her sleep, she was torn apart between the angel and the devil in the deep. Minutes, hours, days, weeks- time seemed to fly, but she remained motionless- inert and lifeless, until one day, when an intimate occurrence enlightened her with an option she could never see. It was then that she realised that all her heartache was also a choice, a choice she unconsciously made. It was then that she realised that the choice is not always between the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, or the angel and the devil.
She chose to let herself fly, to dream, to imagine. She chose to see herself where she always wanted to be, leaving all the distress behind.

It was then that she realised that the conflict was just between imprisonment and freedom, not from the world,
but from herself.

Live the Life

This earth just not rotates, it beats somewhere to the tunes and rhythm of our heartbeats.”

But then, “Does it feels a little low when we do, can the earth feel the sorrow that we have deep inside us somewhere and unable to just ignore the fact that the reason of that sorrow would somewhere be happy with someone else?”

“Everything around us is just related to each other. Why do you feel happy to see rainbow and annoyed while under the sun? Why do you then sometimes, miss the warmth of the sun, you once had given a black look to, while the winter is so chilly cold? The waves of the sea, the raining clouds, the beatific smile each time you have on your face whenever there is a tiny little drop of water on your cheeks and you expect it to be the first drop of the first rain of the season and then that doleful look when the rains actually don’t pour down, everything, my darling, everything is just so related to each other.”

“So, is it like, when we are happy we feel rains in the hot and rainbows in dark and the warm in the crisp winters and cosy in the hot sun? Is it like life is meant to be living as an oxymoron to what we actually feel?”

“No! Life was never meant to be like this, NEVER! Life is something to be lived as it is. Look, it’s a cliché, the happy humans use to describe that life becomes beautiful when you are happy, when you are in love, when everyone around you is happy with you, when you feel the most satisfied or when the life is exactly the way you want it to be. These are just the embellishments to add to their happiness. But Love, Life was never meant to be belied, never meant to be lived in a contradiction of what it is, it was never meant to be always expecting of what it is not, to rejoice it”

“Life is enjoying the sunshine, while under the sun and not feeling annoyed by the heat, jubilating the downpours of rains even without an umbrella or a cup of hot chocolate, being elated by the view of the rainbows even without capturing and posting it everywhere, playing in the puddles even without a paper boat, rejoicing the sounds of the waves from the seashore itself, letting the waves come and touch your feet as if they are enjoying the run and chase games, feeling gleeful every time you witness a full moon, knowing the fact that it will be a crescent soon and still would be alluring, to spread our arms wide each time we experience a snowfall, to look at the sky and smile at it, for it is the reason we can feel these things.”

“But is it not difficult?”

“Life is just to be in the moment, you don’t need to be anything more than that. It is just being a part of where we are and not pondering about where we could be or where we should be. Life is just as simple as that. We need to tune the rhythm of our heart with that of the earth!”

Don’t live in the oxymoron, live the life as it is!

why i fell in love with you ?

I remember you asked me once, "When did you fall in love with me?" You were probably expecting some romantic answer but I told you the truth like I always do- I don't know. And that holds true till this day.

I didn't "fall" in love with you. I grew into love with you. Over time, over messages, over laughs uttered, over the tears shed, over the long night chats, over the seeds of the future dreams sown, each and every one of those moments taught me how to love you. And every time I feel I couldn't love you more, another funny looking selfie of yours kicks it up a notch. I could see a girl damaged by everything and yet holding her head high, trying to ride out the storm in her heart. A hundred princesses couldn't be as beautiful as you at that point.

I know I am not easy to love. I am obnoxious, stubborn, short tempered and what not. But trust me, when I imagine you at my side, I want to be a better man. A good man. My Mom always told me it's more important to be a good man than to be a successful one. I guess she was always right. You make me want to be that man.

I have always been a dreamer. So much so that people around me told me it was all unrealistic. It isn't. It never was. And today I want to live all of those dreams but with you. I want to travel the world but with your hand linked in mine. I want to have a family but only with you. I want little versions of you and me running around the house. Earlier I knew I wanted all of this with "someone". Today I know and I want that someone to only be you.

Someone once told me that, "Love is nothing but choosing the same person over and over again everyday". So today, I want to tell you this.

You are the choice I make everyday when I go to sleep. You are the choice I make everyday when I wake up. Everything I do, I do it to come closer to you. You are the only wish I make upon a shooting star. You are the only one I will ever write for. You are everything I asked for and more. And I promise I will never, ever let you go. And if life threatens to tear us apart, I swear I will punch life in the face and come running back to you.

But most importantly, today I choose to love you as I will for the rest of my days. Do you choose the same?