She was fat. No that isn't usually how someone starts describing someone. But she was already so used to it now.
Tonight it was her 18th birthday. She was so happy about it. I was sitting on the sofa waiting for her to come down. I knew how excited she already was since morning.
She was dressed up now. With all the eyes glaring at her, her smile was fading more and more with each step she took down the staircase. I took her to a side wished her "Happy Birthday ". She smiled.
"You look beautiful " I told her.
She smiled so much brighter now. The smile which was worth a wait to watch. Her eyes glistened as if she just heard that she won 10 million dollars or something.
"Thank you Aditi. Thank you so much" she replied.
There was silence for a moment.
"When my mom told me it's my 18th birthday I can order any dress I want, I was so happy" she started.
"I kept scrolling until my eyes got stuck to the long laced ball gown blue in colour. It had stones and mirror gems on it. It was beautiful. I knew I couldn't afford that. Next my eyes were on the black knee length short dress. It was nothing great but quite sober. I ordered it. The dress looked to pretty on the girl who was wearing it in the picture. Here is the dress. I am wearing it. With every step I was coming down, my dreams were shattering. Nobody would expect to hear a "The dress is so beautiful, but you don't look good in it". I saw the glares that were thrown.
I heard people whispering "She is too fat to wear short dresses. Her belly is bulging out, must be uncomfortable".
Yes Aditi trust me it is uncomfortable. It really is. It is difficult and so hard to cover the belly fat. To find dresses for me. When everyone is going out in shorts and tank tops, I have to make sure I wear a long dress because according to them I look good in long dresses or jeans and top.
I do not fish for compliments but after being so hard on myself when I get a compliment it makes me so happy.
I know it looks odd on me. I am fat. But that is how I was born. Even I don't like moving around with those thighs. It's not like I am trying to lose weight. I mean I do. But then I get tired of not being myself and being hard on myself to get me into shape.
The emotional abuse never faltered me, you always were creative with new names for me, new ways to pick on me, new ways to get my friends to alienate me. And as the years came and went, the pounds came and stayed.
It's not really easy for me to wake up everyday and fit into clothes somehow. Every moment I wish to just cut off some pounds.
Aditi I want to wear dresses like these too. I want to eat as much as I want without hearing "Stop now. How much appetite do you have" followed by laughter.
It wasn't my fault was it? To be like this?" She stopped and took a long pause.
"Come fatty, cut the cake. It's chocolate cake. Don't have the whole thing yourself" her friend came and called her.
"There we go again" she looked at me and smiled and left tucking in her belly to the most, pulling the dress down to cover her.
I almost had tears in my eyes. I remember when we were small we used to go to the same tuition in the morning. I had once asked my mom.
"Mumma why does she wear tight clothes? Should I tell her about it?
My mom replied me saying,
"When your friend is struggling to fit into her clothes every morning, she knows her clothes don’t fit. She doesn’t need to be reminded about that first thing in the morning."
Tonight it was her 18th birthday. She was so happy about it. I was sitting on the sofa waiting for her to come down. I knew how excited she already was since morning.
She was dressed up now. With all the eyes glaring at her, her smile was fading more and more with each step she took down the staircase. I took her to a side wished her "Happy Birthday ". She smiled.
"You look beautiful " I told her.
She smiled so much brighter now. The smile which was worth a wait to watch. Her eyes glistened as if she just heard that she won 10 million dollars or something.
"Thank you Aditi. Thank you so much" she replied.
There was silence for a moment.
"When my mom told me it's my 18th birthday I can order any dress I want, I was so happy" she started.
"I kept scrolling until my eyes got stuck to the long laced ball gown blue in colour. It had stones and mirror gems on it. It was beautiful. I knew I couldn't afford that. Next my eyes were on the black knee length short dress. It was nothing great but quite sober. I ordered it. The dress looked to pretty on the girl who was wearing it in the picture. Here is the dress. I am wearing it. With every step I was coming down, my dreams were shattering. Nobody would expect to hear a "The dress is so beautiful, but you don't look good in it". I saw the glares that were thrown.
I heard people whispering "She is too fat to wear short dresses. Her belly is bulging out, must be uncomfortable".
Yes Aditi trust me it is uncomfortable. It really is. It is difficult and so hard to cover the belly fat. To find dresses for me. When everyone is going out in shorts and tank tops, I have to make sure I wear a long dress because according to them I look good in long dresses or jeans and top.
I do not fish for compliments but after being so hard on myself when I get a compliment it makes me so happy.
I know it looks odd on me. I am fat. But that is how I was born. Even I don't like moving around with those thighs. It's not like I am trying to lose weight. I mean I do. But then I get tired of not being myself and being hard on myself to get me into shape.
The emotional abuse never faltered me, you always were creative with new names for me, new ways to pick on me, new ways to get my friends to alienate me. And as the years came and went, the pounds came and stayed.
It's not really easy for me to wake up everyday and fit into clothes somehow. Every moment I wish to just cut off some pounds.
Aditi I want to wear dresses like these too. I want to eat as much as I want without hearing "Stop now. How much appetite do you have" followed by laughter.
It wasn't my fault was it? To be like this?" She stopped and took a long pause.
"Come fatty, cut the cake. It's chocolate cake. Don't have the whole thing yourself" her friend came and called her.
"There we go again" she looked at me and smiled and left tucking in her belly to the most, pulling the dress down to cover her.
I almost had tears in my eyes. I remember when we were small we used to go to the same tuition in the morning. I had once asked my mom.
"Mumma why does she wear tight clothes? Should I tell her about it?
My mom replied me saying,
"When your friend is struggling to fit into her clothes every morning, she knows her clothes don’t fit. She doesn’t need to be reminded about that first thing in the morning."
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