Yours truly

Dear love,

Do you know which promise I wake up to after a dreamless sleep? The promise to forget you.

The rain does the most unholy things to me. It makes me remember. I refuse to believe that there isn’t someone who knows which strings to pull, which demons to summon. I stand here with water hitting me, yelling at me to not forget, to never forget how it feels to have your heart yanked apart ruthlessly, and yet I stand because I never truly knew, even after all this time, never truly learned when to fall apart. I kept myself whole, I glued my heart together as I swung in one place waiting for you to come back and take me.

It hurts me. Even kills me just a little to have to accept it that every beautiful thing which we could have been will never come alive. Somewhere, in some place in time, I’ll find warmth from someone else. And I can sell a part of my existence to not wish it was from you.

Dearest love, it still surprises me to think that we even met in the first place. Out of all the places you could have gone to and out of all the whims which could have controlled me, we stumbled upon each other. I have hoped, at least a thousand times, that day had never happened, that I should have just stayed in my bed that evening, but here’s the truth- you were magnificent. I’ll admit, some fault was mine, I loved you a little more than I should have. Pardon me for that.

I owe you some gratitude. If it weren’t for you, I would have never known that humans do not need anything wholesome to fall in love with; that I was capable of holding broken parts of a person and see my future in them. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known what falling in love, truly falling in love feels like. Now I know, it is actually quite simple. The part after that might be a little difficult, the time after wards may turn a little hurtful but that moment, that one single moment, when a person simply looks at the other person’s laugh and just knows that they are falling in love, that is quite effortless.

I was someone to cringe at love stories, at those cheesy ballads and here I am writing something similar. This one will be my last for you.I can see the infinities you and I could turn into. I can see the fire we create. I remember it every night. But I know that it is now just a memory waiting to get lost into time. So, hereby, I promise yet again, to let you go. You are terrifyingly complete, perhaps just not for me to touch. For I know that wherever you go, you’ll leave inexplicable marks. I have always known that. However, now I am starting to believe that so shall I. And, for that I must do what I ought to do. I must stop reaching out.

Have a great life ahead.

Yours truly,

The one who held on.